during this few days, i've come to realised that alicia quek shu yi has a very sad life actually. i realised that in my whole life, im always faced with rejections from every aspect in my life. from school, to cca, to schoolwork and even from friends and family.
i feel that in everything that i do, i never give in my 100% in wadeva i do, which results in the fact that im always average in everything and excelling in nothing. even when i was a leader in kranji, i was never ever able to command respect from my members and neither was i able to prove my worth as a leader at all. i think in the eyes of everyone, im just not good enough.
in my studies, needless to say, i definitely feel that i could have done better if i had just spent most of my snoozing time to studying time and my slacking time to mugging time. and again, i was just an average student even in the O levels. but having regrets now, is pointless.
in my family, im definitely not the one who spends most of my time with my family, unlike my sister, who is closer to both my father and mother. whilst im typing away, she just screamed at me for using the com and disrupting her studies when i just used the com like half an hour ago. but after so long, i realised that my stand at home is so insignificant that i've already given up arguing with her since a long time before. although my mum didnt say anyting, but im quite sure that she's quite disappointed that i didnt make it to NYJC, which made me feel quite lousy about myself as i really wanted to do her proud by achieving more than my sister. furthermore, she's unwell now which makes me feel even worse. i reallie feel that im the worst daughter, worst sister and the worst person ever on this earth. sometimes i just wish i wasnt me. maybe i could just be a rock which has no worries but just wait for others to throw me to other parts of the world and having no feelings at all.
i feel that i've changed. i think i sound like a person with very low self-esteem and i feel damn negative about myself, i tink i've become less tolerant and more lazy as well. i tink to my frens, i feel lyk im becoming a lousier friend and im reallie sorry to those who feel so. =')
i watched pursuit of happyness today. which probably triggered all my thoughts. it taught me that everyone would have their fair share of success and happiness as long as u are willing to cont to pursue it.
